What do I think of God? I’m sure no one would be interested to know, for God is God, no matter what I think, eh? ;)

Always wonder what would have happened had I been brought up with no religious beliefs thrust upon me. I mean, imagine. Would I be missing the praying? Would I miss “God”?

Ok, no offense to anyone, I am just voicing my random thoughts here, ok? Come on, my blog :P

I always wondered, isn’t prayer a specific form of meditation that we do, and isn’t work worship? Is there any need for a name for what we are doing? It is necessary to be obligated to anybody but us? Can’t we be self sufficient and own up our failures and take credit for our success? Do we need to blame luck, destiny and fate for our mistakes? Isn’t belief in oneself enough? Apparently not… Sigh

In the name of ‘God’, we have these religions too. Ghaah! The apparently educated people themselves have a problem looking past the religious limitations, let alone the poor illiterate man. Is it that hard to understand that 1 religion is basically the same in essence as the other? Different paths to the same destination- peace of mind??? As if we didn’t have enough reasons to fight amongst ourselves, we now have another reason to fret over.

Ah, I guess it is a fool’s dream to think that the entire world would come together with its beliefs and agree upon the same thing. After all, every person out there has his own beliefs, his own thoughts- a unique brain, functioning in an even more unique way. Sigh! But I would rather be a fool, dreaming than accepting what is. After all a dream can one day become reality… Maybe one day.

The trouble is that- I’m stuck somewhere- somewhere between an atheist and a theist- being brought up the latter and on the road to the former. Stuck as always.

Ghaah! There is too much too say; and I am too lazy to grope and hold on to all those thoughts circling around and flying in my mind and write it down here. And, this is where I stop; maybe some other day I would finish this later; and maybe that day I would have a better idea as to where I stand…

:D

Till then, pray...

I haven't prayed for a long time... I guess I lost belief somewhere down the line. This doesn't mean I have started praying again. No, I guess I never got back the belief I lost long back. I don't know if I will get the said 'belief' anytime soon. I am not sure I want it back, either. But, let me tell you, along the way, I found out prayer is nothing but meditation, meditation to calm the mind. Prayer aint for the fools. or was it wise? I always seem to forget. Its for those, who believe and have faith. But I would rather be the fool, who has faith in herself than in something or something she has never seen before. Prayer is a crutch for those who have not understood the simple truth. Hah! I am not going to tell you the simple truth. You are supposed to find that yourself. Let go of the crutch. Live life like you are God and hopefully you will find the truth too... Till then, all I can say is pray...

Thoughts...

Education is nothing but the art of living. We are learning to live our life without being too much of a burden to anyone; and if possible to be of some good use to atleast 1 person on this earth. This is proper education; and life teaches us that. So basically life teaches us to live our life. And I have learnt a bit, for I am but an average student... And this is all I have to tell the world of what I have learnt before I go...

!!!

Chop me down, please...
For I have sinned.
I have been selfish and now I repent
Kept to myself my shade
and kept to myself my breeze.
Chop me down, please....
For I no longer want to be standing.
Let me go, to where I came from.
I want to go back,
To take my selfish soul away from you
For I have sinned.
Chop me down, I say.
I cry, rather.
I have been mean and nasty
And I no longer wish to be.
Take me away,
Put me to some use, or let me go.
I know I never paid you the same regard,
But I wish you be the bigger one here...
Bid me this one request.
Chop me down, I pray,
For I have sinned.

...

I feel horrible. Why do I feel horrible? See, the only advice my mom gave me was do things so that you never regret doing them. I guess I never did follow that through; because even though I say I have no regrets, I have a mountain load of regrets inside, deep down, locked into a tiny little ball. I guess it is waiting to be released. I don't want to cry out, or show weakness, because that is not who I am. I have an image, you see. An image of sunshine. But I find myself to be the exact opposite of what the world sees me to be- a black hole, sucking in a bit of my smile every single day to quench the thirst of that little ball holding in my humongous regrets. I wish I could do something about it, but I cannot survive if that tiny ball breaks. If that ball does break, so will my soul. I bet, everyone has regrets and problems. But then, why should I care about everyone. All I should be caring about is me, my sunshine and my little blue ball of regrets. But then I don't think I have the strength to go back and do my life all over again. I don't think I can make that journey again. I have grown small now. I have become weak. I can't go back. I guess I will just have to carry my burden forward. My biggest regret is that the person bearing the brunt of my tiny blue ball of regret is not exactly me, but someone who shouldn't have to be bothered by my mistakes. I just wish my little ball of regrets would go away. But then, I wouldn't be where I am right now, if not for it. And for that I am grateful for it brought me you...

voices forgotten...

A gray fog looms ahead,

And I stand engulfed
The smell of jasmines hovers around me
A gentle reminder of a time long gone…
I stand alone, not knowing where to head.

Memories floods in, my glass fills to the brim,

Unwanted thoughts long stashed away

I see all too clearly when I rather not,

I hear and see things I’d long tried to forget.

Things I thought I’d forgotten…

But I’m encircled;

A whirlpool of voices long forgotten…

Some like the acid lime

And some, the sweet of honey…

Voices of people, loved and cared,

Long gone, yet stayed.

As the human crescendo ebbs

Like the ocean tide moons away,

Every voice is yet again forgotten

But one stays behind, one that tugs at my heart,

One, pure, deep and true…

The voice of a young girl,

A girl who was once me…

A girl who wanted nothing, yet everything,

A girl with the twinkle in her eyes still a flame

A voice I’d long forgotten,

A voice I wish I’d listened to…

I stand still amid that white darkness,

Wishing I could go back in time

But as the fog lifts, so do the spirits,

For I see that the girl is still in me…

A part forever-

Like the air in my lungs, or the blood in my veins…

A voice never gone…

Never one of the voices forgotten…