Wednesday, December 16, 2009

epiphanies...one of the worst

Guess what? I’d the most brilliant epiphany of my life!!! And it alleged that I qualify for the most stupid person award for I am the one who felt the need to spread cheer in this otherwise dull and colorless world. Sigh! I guess I betook it on myself to be some kind of Santa Claus with no Christmas; just an all time 24x7 one; smiling and doling out cheer! It was like a kind of romantic affair I’d. Or maybe the ghost of Don Quixote got into me. As they say about the Don, I am mad, crazy and basically stupid; very, very, very stupid. Oh how did I ever think that people wanted cheer? Least of all, from me? Oh I should’ve known it would never end right. All I achieved was loss; my loss; my loss of my cheer. Serves me right, I suppose. The ‘holier than thou’ belief always catches up with you. The fall that you encounter at the end of it all is ‘oh so wonderful’. I guess I still haven’t reached level ground. Dizzying, if not anything else. It is like falling in love; except that, this just leaves a bad taste in your mouth; whereas love leaves more than that.

Anyway, what I am getting at is, I am the nutcase you find smiling at whomsoever crosses her path. I am the nutcase who found out that they don’t just consider her a nutcase but also a promiscuous person (thank god for the word promiscuous!!!). I am the nutcase, whose dream got shattered, lying in tatters…

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